Andy Rooney Quotes
Andrew Aitken "Andy" Rooney (January 14, 1919 – November 4, 2011) was an American radio and television writer who was best known for his weekly broadcast "A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney," a part of the CBS News program 60 Minutes from 1978 to 2011. His final regular appearance on 60 Minutes aired on October 2, 2011. He died one month later, on November 4, 2011, at age 92.
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.
Writers don't retire. I will always be a writer.
Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.
Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
Death is a distant rumor to the young.
Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.
Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.
Writers don't retire. I will always be a writer.
Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.
Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
Death is a distant rumor to the young.
Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.
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