Woody Allen Quotes

Heywood "Woody" Allen (born December 1, 1935) is an American actor, comedian, filmmaker and playwright, whose career spans more than 50 years.his career as a comedian and playwright. He was a television gag writer before writing and starring in his first feature film, What's New, Pussycat? Take the Money and Run marked Allen's directorial debut in a hilarious parody of crime films and documentaries.

I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.

Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Having sex is like bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

To you I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.

The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.

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